📚 DATING 101: BEYOND THE SWIPE SERIES
This is Part 1 of The Average Dude's complete dating guide:
- Part 1: First Date Mastery (You are here)
- Part 2: The Art of Texting Between Dates →
- Part 3: Building Real Connection →
- Part 4: When to Make It Official →
🎥 Watch on TikTok | 🎧 Listen on Spotify
You Matched. Now What?
So you've been chatting, the vibe is good, and you've finally set up that first date. Congrats! But now the real work begins. The first date is where you move from pixels to person, from witty texts to actual conversation, and from profile pics to real-life chemistry.
As The Average Dude, I'm here to give you practical, no-BS advice that actually works. No pickup artist nonsense, no mind games—just real talk about making a great first impression and having a genuinely good time.
Before the Date: Set Yourself Up for Success
1. Pick the Right Spot
Your venue choice matters more than you think. Here's the formula:
- Casual but not lazy: Coffee shop or casual bar > fancy restaurant for a first date
- Easy conversation: Avoid loud clubs or movies where you can't actually talk
- Public and safe: Always meet somewhere public—it makes both of you comfortable
- Escape route friendly: Pick a spot where either of you can leave easily if things aren't clicking
- Know the area: Choose somewhere you're familiar with so you're confident and relaxed
Pro tip: Have a backup plan. If the coffee shop is packed or closed, know where else you can go nearby.
2. Timing Is Everything
- Weekday evening (6-8pm): Natural time limit, both of you have work the next day
- Weekend afternoon: Relaxed vibe, can extend if it's going well
- Avoid: Late night first dates (sends the wrong message) or all-day commitments (too much pressure)
Keep the first date to 1-2 hours max. Leave them wanting more, not checking their watch.
3. Look Good, Feel Good
You don't need to show up in a three-piece suit, but you do need to show you made an effort:
- Clean and fresh: Shower, brush your teeth, use deodorant (this should be obvious, but here we are)
- Dress appropriately: Match the venue—jeans and a nice shirt for casual, step it up for nicer spots
- Grooming matters: Trim your nails, style your hair, make sure your clothes are clean and fit well
- Smell good, not overpowering: Light cologne or none at all—don't gas them out
- Be yourself: Wear something you're comfortable in, not a costume
During the Date: The Main Event
4. Nail the First Impression
The first 30 seconds set the tone for everything:
- Show up on time: Being late says you don't value their time. Aim to arrive 5 minutes early.
- Smile and make eye contact: Confidence is attractive, awkward staring at your phone is not
- Greet them warmly: A genuine "Hey, great to finally meet you!" goes a long way
- Compliment appropriately: "You look great" is perfect. Anything more specific can be weird.
- Put your phone away: Seriously. Away. Not face-down on the table. In your pocket.
5. Master the Art of Conversation
This is where most first dates live or die. Here's how to keep it flowing:
Ask Open-Ended Questions
- "What do you do for fun?" not "Do you like movies?"
- "What got you into that?" not "That's cool."
- "Tell me about..." is your best friend
Listen More Than You Talk
- 70/30 rule: Let them talk 70% of the time, you talk 30%
- Actually listen, don't just wait for your turn to talk
- Ask follow-up questions based on what they just said
- Remember details—it shows you care
Avoid These Conversation Killers
- Your ex (never, ever bring them up)
- Politics or religion (unless you're both clearly aligned)
- Complaining about work, life, or anything negative
- Bragging or one-upping their stories
- Talking about how many matches you have or other dates
Safe Topics That Actually Work
- Travel experiences or dream destinations
- Hobbies and passions
- Favorite food, music, shows (but don't interrogate)
- Funny stories from your life
- Weekend plans or recent adventures
6. Read the Room (and the Vibe)
Pay attention to body language—theirs and yours:
Good Signs:
- Leaning in when talking
- Laughing at your jokes (even the bad ones)
- Asking you questions back
- Playing with their hair or touching their face
- Maintaining eye contact
Not-So-Good Signs:
- Checking their phone frequently
- Short, one-word answers
- Crossed arms or turned away body language
- Looking around the room instead of at you
- Mentioning they have to leave soon
If you're getting the not-so-good signs, don't force it. Wrap it up gracefully and move on.
7. The Money Talk
Let's address the elephant in the room: who pays?
- Offer to pay: Reach for the bill when it comes. It's a classy move.
- If they offer to split: Accept gracefully. "Are you sure? Okay, let's split it then."
- Don't make it weird: No grand gestures, no "I insist" battles. Just be smooth about it.
- If you invited them: You should expect to pay, but be cool if they want to contribute
Pro tip: "I'll get this one, you can get the next one" is a smooth way to suggest a second date AND handle the bill.
8. Keep It Light and Fun
First dates should be enjoyable, not job interviews:
- Laugh: Don't take yourself too seriously
- Be playful: Light teasing (not mean) can create chemistry
- Share stories: Make them laugh with your experiences
- Stay positive: Optimism is attractive, negativity is draining
- Be present: Enjoy the moment instead of overthinking everything
Ending the Date: Stick the Landing
9. Know When to Wrap It Up
Don't overstay your welcome. End on a high note:
- If it's going well: 1.5-2 hours is perfect for a first date
- If it's not clicking: 45 minutes to an hour, then politely exit
- Watch for natural breaks: finished drinks, conversation lulls, time checks
"This has been really fun, but I should probably get going" is perfectly acceptable.
10. The Goodbye
How you end the date matters:
If It Went Well:
- "I had a great time. We should do this again."
- Walk them to their car/Uber if it's safe and appropriate
- Hug goodbye (read the vibe—don't force physical contact)
- Text them later that night: "Had a great time tonight. Let's do it again soon."
If It Didn't Click:
- "Thanks for meeting up, take care!"
- Be polite but don't promise a second date you won't follow through on
- If they text later, be honest but kind: "I had a nice time, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. Best of luck!"
After the Date: Follow-Up Game
11. The Text Game
Forget the "wait 3 days" nonsense. Here's what actually works:
- Same night: Send a quick "Had a great time" text before bed
- Next day: Follow up with plans for a second date if you're interested
- Be direct: "I'd love to see you again. Are you free this weekend?"
- Don't play games: If you like them, show it. If you don't, be honest.
💬 Want to master the texting game? Check out Part 2: The Art of Texting Between Dates for the complete guide on keeping the spark alive without being clingy.
12. Planning Date #2
If the first date went well, level up for round two:
- Build on what you learned: They mentioned loving Italian food? Take them to that spot.
- Try something more interactive: Mini golf, arcade, cooking class, museum
- Show you were listening: Reference something from your first date conversation
- Keep it casual still: Don't jump to weekend getaways or meeting parents
🔗 Ready to go deeper? Once you're a few dates in, read Part 3: Building Real Connection to learn how to move beyond small talk and create genuine intimacy.
Common First Date Mistakes to Avoid
Don't Do This:
- Talking about marriage/kids on date one: Way too much, way too soon
- Getting drunk: One or two drinks max. Stay sharp.
- Oversharing: Save the deep trauma for therapy, not the first date
- Being on your phone: It's disrespectful and kills the vibe
- Lying or exaggerating: The truth always comes out eventually
- Trying too hard: Desperation is not attractive
- Being late without communication: Text if you're running behind
- Talking only about yourself: It's a conversation, not a monologue
The Average Dude's Golden Rules
Here's what it all comes down to:
- Be yourself: Authenticity beats trying to be someone you're not
- Show genuine interest: People can tell when you actually care
- Stay present: Put the phone away and be in the moment
- Keep it light: First dates should be fun, not stressful
- Respect boundaries: Physical and emotional—read the room
- Be honest: About your intentions, your interest, everything
- Have fun: If you're not enjoying yourself, they probably aren't either
Final Thoughts
Look, first dates are nerve-wracking for everyone. Even the most confident people get butterflies. The key is to remember that your date is probably just as nervous as you are.
The goal isn't to be perfect—it's to be genuine, respectful, and present. Show up as your best self, treat them well, and see if there's a connection. If there is, great! If not, that's okay too. Not every match is meant to be a relationship.
Dating is supposed to be fun. It's about meeting new people, having interesting conversations, and maybe—just maybe—finding someone special. So relax, be yourself, and enjoy the process.
And remember: you're not trying to impress everyone. You're trying to find someone who appreciates the real you.
Now get out there and crush that first date.
Quick First Date Checklist
Before:
- ☐ Pick a good venue (casual, public, conversation-friendly)
- ☐ Confirm time and place the day before
- ☐ Shower, groom, dress well
- ☐ Plan to arrive 5 minutes early
- ☐ Have a backup venue in mind
During:
- ☐ Put phone away
- ☐ Make eye contact and smile
- ☐ Ask open-ended questions
- ☐ Listen more than you talk (70/30 rule)
- ☐ Keep it positive and fun
- ☐ Read body language and adjust
- ☐ Offer to pay (or split gracefully)
After:
- ☐ Text them that night if it went well
- ☐ Follow up next day with second date plans
- ☐ Be honest if you're not interested
- ☐ Don't play games—be direct
Good luck out there, and remember—you've got this.
- The Average Dude
📚 CONTINUE THE DATING 101 SERIES
- Part 1: First Date Mastery (You just read this)
- Part 2: The Art of Texting Between Dates →
- Part 3: Building Real Connection →
- Part 4: When to Make It Official →
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