👈 Back to: Dating 101: First Date Mastery
This is Part 2 of the Dating 101: Beyond the Swipe series from The Average Dude. If you haven't read Part 1 on crushing your first date, start there first.
So the First Date Went Well. Now What?
You nailed the first date. The conversation flowed, you made them laugh, and you both said you wanted to see each other again. You sent that "had a great time" text that night, and they responded positively.
Now you're staring at your phone wondering: When do I text again? What do I say? How do I keep the momentum going without seeming desperate?
Welcome to the texting game—where more potential relationships die than on actual bad dates.
As The Average Dude, I'm here to give you the real playbook for texting between dates. No games, no manipulation tactics, just practical advice that actually works in the real world.
Why Texting Between Dates Matters
Here's the truth: the space between dates is where attraction either builds or dies.
Text too much? You seem clingy and desperate.
Text too little? They think you're not interested and move on.
Text the wrong things? You kill the mystery and chemistry.
But get it right? You build anticipation, maintain interest, and set yourself up for an even better second date.
The goal isn't to have full conversations over text—it's to stay on their radar and build excitement for seeing each other again.
The Texting Timeline: When to Reach Out
Night of the First Date
Timing: Within 2-3 hours of saying goodbye
What to send:
- "Had a great time tonight. Let's do it again soon."
- "Really enjoyed meeting you. Hope you got home safe!"
- "Tonight was fun. We should definitely do that again."
Why it works: Shows you're interested without playing games. Sets a positive tone immediately.
Pro tip: Reference something specific from the date to show you were present and listening.
- "Still laughing about that story you told about your roommate. Had a great time tonight!"
The Day After
Timing: Afternoon or early evening (not first thing in the morning)
What to send:
- "Hope you're having a good day. Still thinking about [specific moment from date]."
- Light, playful callback to something you talked about
- Or just wait until you're ready to propose date #2 (see below)
Why it works: Keeps you fresh in their mind without being overwhelming.
Don't: Send a "good morning beautiful" text. Way too much, way too soon.
Planning the Second Date
Timing: 1-3 days after the first date
What to send:
- "I'd love to see you again. Are you free this weekend?"
- "Remember when you mentioned loving Italian food? I know a great spot. Dinner this Friday?"
- "Want to grab drinks Thursday evening?"
Why it works: Direct, confident, and shows you're serious about seeing them again.
Pro tip: Suggest a specific day and activity. "Want to hang out sometime?" is weak. "Dinner Friday at 7?" is strong.
The Golden Rules of Texting Between Dates
Rule #1: Match Their Energy
Pay attention to their texting style and mirror it:
- Response time: If they take 2 hours to respond, don't reply in 30 seconds
- Message length: If they send short texts, keep yours short too
- Enthusiasm level: Match their vibe—don't be way more excited than they are
- Emoji usage: If they use them, you can too. If they don't, keep it minimal
Why this matters: Matching energy creates comfort and balance. Being way more invested than them screams desperation.
Rule #2: Quality Over Quantity
You don't need to text every day. In fact, you probably shouldn't.
Good texting frequency between dates:
- Every 2-3 days is perfect
- Quick exchanges, not hours-long conversations
- Save the deep talks for in-person
Bad texting frequency:
- Multiple times per day before you're even official
- Constant "what are you doing?" check-ins
- Texting just because you're bored
Remember: Mystery and anticipation are attractive. Being constantly available is not.
Rule #3: Have a Purpose
Every text should have a reason:
- Making plans: "Want to grab dinner Friday?"
- Sharing something relevant: "Saw this and thought of you" (with a funny meme related to your conversation)
- Light flirting: Playful callback to something from your date
- Maintaining interest: Brief check-in that keeps you on their radar
Don't text just to text. "Hey" "What's up" "Wyd" with no follow-up is boring and kills attraction.
Rule #4: Keep It Light and Positive
Between dates, your texts should be:
- Fun and playful
- Positive and upbeat
- Easy to respond to
- Building anticipation for seeing each other
Avoid:
- Heavy emotional conversations
- Complaining about your day/life
- Controversial topics (politics, religion, exes)
- Anything that requires a long, thoughtful response
Save the deep stuff for when you're face-to-face.
Rule #5: Don't Interview Them
Remember the 70/30 conversation rule from our first date guide? It applies to texting too.
Bad texting:
- "What's your favorite color?"
- "Do you have any siblings?"
- "What kind of music do you like?"
This feels like a job application, not flirting.
Good texting:
- "Just heard that band you mentioned. You have great taste 🎵"
- "Tried that coffee shop you recommended. You were right, it's amazing."
- Sharing a funny observation or meme that relates to something you talked about
See the difference? One is interrogation, the other is connection.
What to Text (And What Not to Text)
Great Texts That Build Attraction
The Callback:
- "Still can't believe you've never seen [movie you discussed]. We need to fix that."
- References something from your date, shows you were listening
The Shared Experience:
- "Just walked past that restaurant we talked about. Made me think of you."
- Creates a sense of connection even when apart
The Playful Tease:
- "I'm still not convinced pineapple belongs on pizza, but I'm willing to debate this over dinner 😏"
- Light, fun, flirty, and suggests seeing each other again
The Genuine Compliment:
- "I really enjoyed talking to you the other night. You're easy to be around."
- Sincere without being over-the-top
The Anticipation Builder:
- "Looking forward to Friday. I have a spot in mind I think you'll love."
- Builds excitement for the next date
Texts That Kill Attraction
The Desperate Check-In:
- "Hey" "What's up" "Wyd" (with no follow-up or purpose)
- Shows you have nothing interesting to say
The Overshare:
- "Had the worst day at work, my boss is terrible, I hate my job..."
- Too negative, too much, too soon
The Premature Relationship Talk:
- "So where do you see this going?" (after one date)
- "Are you talking to other people?"
- Wayyyy too intense too early
The Try-Hard:
- Overly long paragraphs
- Excessive emojis and exclamation points!!!
- Trying too hard to be funny or impressive
The Late Night "U Up?":
- Texting after 10pm (unless you're already in an ongoing conversation)
- Sends the wrong message about your intentions
Reading the Texting Signs
Green Flags: They're Into You
- Timely responses: They reply within a reasonable timeframe
- Asks questions back: Shows genuine interest in you
- Uses your name: Personal and engaged
- Initiates sometimes: You're not always the one reaching out
- Enthusiastic about plans: Excited when you suggest meeting up
- Shares things with you: Sends you memes, articles, or things that remind them of you
- Remembers details: References things you've talked about
Yellow Flags: Proceed with Caution
- Slow responses: Takes many hours or a full day to reply (could be busy, could be not that interested)
- Short answers: One or two words with no follow-up questions
- Never initiates: You're always the one starting conversations
- Vague about plans: "Yeah maybe sometime" instead of committing to a date
- Only texts late at night: Might just be looking for something casual
Red Flags: Time to Move On
- Leaves you on read repeatedly: Sees your message but doesn't respond
- Takes days to respond: Consistently goes 3+ days between replies
- Never available to meet: Always has an excuse when you suggest plans
- Keeps canceling: Agrees to dates then bails last minute
- Only reaches out when convenient for them: Texts when they're bored, ignores you otherwise
Real talk: If someone is interested, they'll make time. If they're not, they'll make excuses.
Common Texting Mistakes (And How to Fix Them)
Mistake #1: The Double (or Triple) Text
What it is: Sending multiple messages when they haven't responded to your first one.
Why it's bad: Looks desperate and needy.
The fix: Send one message. Wait for a response. If they don't reply within 24-48 hours, they're probably not interested. Move on.
Exception: If you're already in an active conversation and adding a quick follow-up thought, that's fine.
Mistake #2: The Novel
What it is: Sending paragraph after paragraph of text.
Why it's bad: Overwhelming and feels like homework to respond to.
The fix: Keep texts short and digestible. 1-3 sentences max. Save the long conversations for in-person.
Mistake #3: The Instant Reply
What it is: Responding within seconds every single time.
Why it's bad: Shows you're sitting around waiting for their texts. Kills mystery.
The fix: Live your life. Respond when you see it, but don't drop everything to reply immediately every time. A little anticipation is good.
Mistake #4: The Interview
What it is: Asking question after question without sharing anything about yourself.
Why it's bad: Feels like an interrogation, not a conversation.
The fix: Share observations, stories, or thoughts. Make statements they can respond to, not just questions.
Mistake #5: Playing Games
What it is: Waiting exactly 3 hours to respond, playing hard to get, being intentionally vague.
Why it's bad: It's exhausting and people can tell when you're being fake.
The fix: Be genuine. If you want to text them, text them. If you're interested, show it. Authenticity beats game-playing every time.
When to Call Instead of Text
Sometimes a phone call is better than texting:
Good times to call:
- Confirming date details: Time, place, any changes to plans
- After 3-4 dates: Once you've established a connection
- When tone matters: If something could be misinterpreted over text
- To stand out: In a world of texters, a call shows confidence
How to do it:
- Text first: "Hey, can I give you a call real quick?"
- Keep it brief: 5-10 minutes max early on
- Have a reason: Confirming plans, sharing something that's better said than typed
Don't: Call out of the blue without warning before you're in a relationship. It can feel intrusive.
Moving from Texting to the Second Date
Remember: texting is not the goal. Seeing each other in person is.
How to transition smoothly:
- Reference something from your texts: "You mentioned loving sushi. Want to try that new place Friday?"
- Build on the first date: "I had such a good time last week. Let's do it again—are you free this weekend?"
- Be specific: Suggest a day, time, and activity. Don't leave it vague.
- Make it easy to say yes: Give them options if needed. "I'm free Friday or Saturday—what works better for you?"
If they're interested, they'll make it work. If they're wishy-washy or keep putting it off, that's your answer.
🔗 Once you're a few dates in: Check out Part 3: Building Real Connection to learn how to move beyond small talk and create genuine intimacy.
Dealing with Slow Responders
Not everyone is glued to their phone. Some people are just slow texters. Here's how to handle it:
If they're consistently slow but engaged:
- Match their pace—don't text more frequently than they do
- Focus on quality over quantity
- Suggest meeting in person where communication is easier
If they're slow AND low-effort:
- That's a sign of low interest
- Don't chase someone who's not matching your energy
- Move on to someone who's excited to talk to you
Real talk: People make time for what they care about. If someone is genuinely interested, they'll respond within a reasonable timeframe.
The Average Dude's Texting Commandments
- Don't overthink it: If you want to text them, text them. Just keep it light and purposeful.
- Match their energy: Don't be way more invested than they are.
- Quality over quantity: A few good texts beat constant boring ones.
- Keep it positive: Save the heavy stuff for in-person conversations.
- Have a purpose: Every text should move things forward or maintain interest.
- Don't play games: Be genuine and authentic.
- Read the signs: If they're not responding or engaging, take the hint.
- Prioritize in-person: Texting is the bridge, not the destination.
Final Thoughts
Here's the bottom line: texting between dates should be easy, fun, and build anticipation for seeing each other again.
If you're constantly stressed about when to text, what to say, or whether you're doing it right, you're overthinking it. The right person will make texting feel natural, not like a strategic chess match.
Your goal isn't to have the perfect texting game. It's to find someone who's excited to hear from you and equally excited to see you in person.
So keep it simple: be yourself, stay positive, don't overdo it, and focus on setting up that next date.
The texting game is just the warm-up. The real connection happens face-to-face.
Now stop staring at your phone and go live your life. They'll text back when they text back.
- The Average Dude
Quick Texting Between Dates Checklist
DO:
- ☐ Text the night of the first date
- ☐ Match their energy and response time
- ☐ Keep messages light, positive, and purposeful
- ☐ Reference specific things from your conversations
- ☐ Suggest concrete plans for the second date
- ☐ Give them space—don't text every day
- ☐ Read the signs and adjust accordingly
DON'T:
- ☐ Send multiple texts without a response (no double texting)
- ☐ Write novels—keep it short and sweet
- ☐ Interview them with constant questions
- ☐ Text just because you're bored
- ☐ Get heavy or negative over text
- ☐ Play games or wait exactly X hours to respond
- ☐ Chase someone who's clearly not interested
📚 DATING 101: BEYOND THE SWIPE SERIES
- Part 1: First Date Mastery
- Part 2: The Art of Texting Between Dates (You are here)
- Part 3: Building Real Connection →
- Part 4: When to Make It Official →
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